Parenting boys comes with plenty of wobbly moments.
As a former social worker, I can tell you this: those wobbles don’t go away on their own. They need tools. In the field, I used one particular method over and over again with boys who were struggling emotionally. It worked then, and it works now at home with Beckett.
It’s called the Four-Legged Stool—a kid-friendly version of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
The Four Legs of Emotional Stability
David Thomas, in Raising Emotionally Strong Boys, explains it like this: a stool needs all four legs to stand. Boys need all four of these too:
- Thoughts — What am I thinking?
- Feelings — What am I feeling?
- Actions — What am I doing (or tempted to do)?
- Truths — What do I know is true?
Why It Works
This model simplifies CBT, which connects how our thoughts, feelings, and actions interact. The “truths” piece adds a powerful layer of grounding—especially when rooted in faith.
Boys love visuals, and this one clicks: if a stool is missing a leg, it wobbles. If all four are strong, it stands.
Using It at Home
The other day, Beckett said: “I don’t like the way my stomach feels when you talk like that… but I won’t cry, ‘cause that’s for babies.”
That’s when I used the stool.
- Thoughts: What did you think when I spoke that way?
- Feelings: What did you feel in your body?
- Actions: What did you want to do?
- Truths: What do we know is true about crying? (Even Jesus wept.)
Instead of spiraling into guilt or him bottling it up, we used the stool to stabilize the moment.
Final Thoughts
Whether in the counseling office or my living room, this framework has helped boys connect their inner world with practical tools. It gives language to their emotions and points them to truths that hold them steady.
✨ Want to dive deeper? Grab your copy of Raising Emotionally Strong Boys here.
